Remembering where we come from

It’s something of a cliche for people who know celebrities to remind them “Remember where you came from, now,” or celebrities saying that they recall their roots.

But we don’t need to know or be celebrities to have left behind that which we once were — that which created who we are today.

I find myself doing that lately with this blog.

I began blogging back in October 2007 for two primary purposes: a pro at a conference said I should, and to provide a means of instant publication, and with it a way to hold myself accountable to solid writing and accurate reporting.

My original goal was to post a blog every night. Something of substance, something people wouldn’t regret reading. And I rolled, man. Some of those first posts were some of my most original, creative, and thought-provoking work ever. Back when I didn’t try to be controversial or challenging, back when I didn’t care to wax poetic on sports figures or poke fun at celebrity mishaps. Back when I didn’t care about changing the world, but simply making the most of my own.

While my writing and reporting have vastly improved since those days, I feel I’ve lost a bit of that voice. Sure, it comes out in feature stories or columns from time to time these days. I’m busy, after all.

But I feel like I’ve been working too hard lately in my writing to be something I’m not, to be more than who I am. Not that I’ve tried to be fake, but simply tried to be too much.

It used to be that my life outside of baseball last year, when I became Kenly’s sports editor and learned what it meant to be a working professional, taught me things I was able to transfer to the field. Now it appears the reverse is occurring.

What I am learning in baseball I am now applying to life. And that’s how it’s meant to be.

I’ve often doubted the point of my coming to Barton to play baseball. Lord knows it hasn’t been everything I envisioned. It’s been a rough three-and-a-half years on Nixon Field. I’ve failed in ways inconceivable to my mind in high school. I’ve gone from one of the best to one of the worst. Now, thank the Lord, I find myself somewhere in the middle, maybe a bit above average, compared to my peers. Not an all-American by anyone’s standards, although I feel I have that potential if I let myself relax enough and just enjoy the game.

Everyone has potential, though, really.

But what I’ve learned in baseball recently is how to go all-out while still learning. It used to be when Coach would suggest a correction to my swing, I’d become a robot man. I’d slow everything down wherever I was, tighten up, overcompensate for everything. Now, in teaching your muscles to memorize a new movement, you must exaggerate certain movements. But not the way I was. Everything was magnified beyond what was necessary, primarily in my mind.

Coach has always told me, at least the past two years, my success is dependent more on the mental side of my game than the physical. He’s right. I’m 6-1, 210 pounds at eight percent body fat, for crying out loud. Been an all-stuff ballplayer. Heck, I’ve caught Alex White, once in a game where the dude struck out 18 guys, 10 in a row at one point, and was throwing 95 mph in his 10th inning.

But something about where I play now has always placed a trap on my mind. Until now. It still tries to poke its way back in, but lately I feel like I’ve finally kicked the joker out for good.

I know, a lot of over-the-top thinking going on right now. But, while a lot of guys might not admit it, those who want to be as good as they can be at something….tons of them experience similar thoughts. Similar doubts.

Similar fears.

Fear sucks. The Bible calls it a spirit, something we can command away, something God never intended for us to experience. And fear is what has caused just about all of my failures this past year.

But I don’t blame fear. I don’t blame my teammates or coaches. I don’t blame God.

I don’t even blame myself. Sometimes, placing blame is completely profitless. “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial,” writes Solomon.

NOTE (JAN 16 @ 3:51 P.M.): While I could have sworn this was Solomon, it was actually Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:12. Which kind of kills my whole transition into Solomon….but oh well. And Paul would still know. The guy’s life was all about killing Christianity before it became all about spreading it, before his legacy defined much of it.

Anyway, back to your reading….Thanks to my mom for correcting me there.

Solomon was the wisest man to ever live. So wise he faked out his own mind to the point of worshiping idols and gods other than God.

If you don’t know Solomon’s story, when he was first named king God gave him the opportunity to ask for whatever he wanted. You want it, you got it, He said. Wealth? Here’s a mountain of gold. Land? Just sneezed out a few thousand acres. Kingdoms? Go talk to the Assyrians, they’re already bowing to you. What do you want, Solly?

Solomon simply wanted wisdom. And God gave it to him — plus everything else Solomon didn’t ask for.

Can you imagine? You ask God for wisdom, you get it, then, in a strange ironic twist of life, decide he’s not enough so you go worship other gods. Bed thousands of women.

It really is interesting to read the failures of our famed Biblical heroes.

Where was I going with all this?

Oh, right. Baseball and how awesome it is now and how it’s teaching me life lessons.

Basically, what I’ve learned lately is that whatever I’m setting out to accomplish, there’s no point in holding anything back. Whether a new swing — just let it rip, baby, no matter what — or a new job, I just need to go after whatever I’m after with all I’ve got, because even if I fail, there’s a reason for it. And if, instead of letting that failure cripple and humiliate me I use to learn and, in learning, add onto my assets, I come out on top no matter what happens.

Someone once said life’s not about avoiding failure but reacting to it. And they were right.

My brother likes a quote he claims he came up with, although I’m not too sure…

Without failure, what is our motivation to succeed?

There’s truth to that. It’s like a lot in life. There’s no light without darkness. No winners without losers. No health without sickness. No wealth without poverty. No strong without the weak.

Everything’s about perspective, about how we perceive things. And often, it’s the worst of things that allows us to see the best of things. And it’s in seeing the bad we learn to recognize and obtain the good.

Sorry, definitely been all over the place with this one. But it feels good to return to my blogging roots. I often feel like my life is just so boring there’s no point in writing about it. But then, I found stuff to make my life entertaining back then. Why not now? It’ll just be part of the blogging challenge.

Side note: 17 days until my final college season begins. It’s nice to know I’ll be in a starting role heading into the season. Always wanted that opening day start.

Sans regional bid, 95 days until the season ends. But then, the way our team looks these days and with the mix of guys we’ve got, we very well could put together a run that leads to at least a sniff at the national title.

Never thought I’d be saying that here.

Thanks for reading, you’re all incredible.